Men will totally overlook social anxiety traits in woman such as timidness, shyness, quiet/reserved, etc. Women will NOT overlook those same traits in men. If you are a man, you will not be able to be in a relationship with a woman unless you have some level of confidence and self-esteem.

1. Mar 17, 2015 After curing my own severe social anxiety I created 'The Shyness and Social Anxiety System' to help others. This program has received stunning reviews from psychologists and people like you. Now it's my life's mission is to help 25,000 people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want!
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In this video, I talk about why it’s so much more difficult for a guy who is shy, quiet and introverted like you to get a girlfriend or even a date.

(By the way, click here for the free report I mention at the end of the video called “3 Simple Steps To Overcome Shyness Around Girls.” — I guarantee you’ll love this!)

I decided to make this video because I kept getting emails from women and girls that sounded like this:

“I have really bad social anxiety and my boyfriend tells me I’m too quiet and need to make some friends.”

My first reaction to these emails was: “You have social anxiety and no friends and you still have a boyfriend?!”

But this is no freak accident. In fact it’s COMMON for quiet and shy girls to still have no trouble finding a boyfriend. I soon figured out the reason why…

See, as long as a girl is reasonably attractive, there will usually be a guy willing to invest the time and effort to get to know her slowly and get her out of her shell. And BOOM… a girl with social anxiety now has a boyfriend.

On the other hand, this will almost never happen to a guy. At best, a girl may give a guy a few “signals” that she’s interested. Usually she thinks these are obvious, but to guys they’re very subtle… so a girl could like you for years without you ever knowing and asking her out. And 99.9% of the time she will NEVER ask you out.

I’m speaking from personal experience as well as YEARS of interacting with shy guys who can’t seem to attract a girlfriend even though they are intelligent, not ugly, and good people.

What Makes Dating Hard For Men Who Are Shy, Quiet or Introverted

So that’s one of the four things I talk about in the video:

1. The guy is always expected to initiate, which means risking rejection and embarrassment.

The other 3 things are:

2. An introverted guy may not know WHERE to begin meeting women. If he doesn’t have a huge social circle, knows dating women from work is usually a bad idea, and hates loud bars or clubs with their drunken teenagers… then where?

(Online dating is one option, but even there the game is stacked against men.)

3. A shy guy may be too sensitive to getting positive signals or “green lights” from a woman before showing her he’s interested by asking her out, asking for her phone number, going for the kiss, etc. I know you’d rather avoid major embarrassment and you also just don’t want to make her uncomfortable.

And the problem is, women will rarely give you these “green lights,” even if they DO like you. See, if a woman likes a man, she may become more shy to avoid “messing up.”

Or she may even TRY to appear uninterested because she thinks this will make the guy more attracted. (A lot of women’s magazines repeat this advice over and over again.)

4. Confidence is probably the #1 thing that women say they want… yet it’s almost impossible to be confident without experience. If you’ve never had a girlfriend, or it’s been years since you’ve kissed a girl, then how can you possible be confident?

Some people tell you “Just fake it ’til you make it!” … but for me personally that type of overly simple motivational advice just never worked.

So What Next?

If you want to START learning the type of advice that actually does help, then check out my report called “3 Simple Steps To Overcome Shyness Around Girls.”

And I’ll be back next week with a new video.

Social Anxiety

Fact Checked

by Wendy M Yoder, Ph.D. and Micah Abraham, BSc

Last updated October 10, 2020

Social anxiety is more than a social problem. It's something that can cause significant stress and discomfort, and in extreme cases possibly even cause panic attacks and feelings of low self-worth as a result of social situations.

But if you ask anyone that has social anxiety what their biggest regret is, it's that it's hard to date and find relationships. Meeting other people is, of course, very difficult when you're anxious in social situations. The following are ten different tips and strategies for dating and meeting people when you suffer from social anxiety.

Keep in mind when you're reading these that some of them do involve being brave and trying to challenge your fears. For some people, that can be hard – indeed, if overcoming your social anxiety was easy, you'd be doing it already. It's important to remember that the only way to stop social anxiety is to cure it altogether.

But there are smaller, more interesting strategies that can help you with some of your social anxiety issues and make sure that it doesn't interfere with your dating. The following are some tips to help you meet and date other people.

Tip 1: Exercise

Yes, the first tip is a boring one, but also extremely important. Exercise is probably the single most effective thing you can do for your anxiety because it provides several benefits that specifically affect those with social phobia:

• Exercise releases endorphins in the brain, which are chemicals that improve mood and relaxation.
• Exercise calms muscles so that your anxiety symptoms are less severe.
• Exercise helps people feel better about their bodies and their health, which improves confidence when talking to someone with the opposite sex.

It has nothing to do with looks or weight. Rather, exercise provides some incredibly valuable benefits that promote better mental health, making it easier to talk to others.

Tip 2: Avoid Cliché Meeting Places, Find Smaller Groups

Social anxiety is at its worst in environments that promote too much social behavior. Many people with social anxiety still try to meet people in 'normal' meeting spots, like bars, clubs, or parties. But these places provide excess stress that is hard for someone to mentally overcome.

Try to attend small events where meeting people isn't a priority, and where you can also get used to smaller social situations. For example, there are several places online to find hiking groups, and hiking groups are generally 4 to 5 people at most. Even though such a small group of people means that you may not find someone you connect with, small groups also give you an opportunity to practice socially and could introduce you to friends, which in turn can help you meet someone someday.

Tip 3: If Anxiety Hits, Don't Be Shy About It

Shame is a common emotion with social phobia, where a person feels embarrassed when they start to experience anxiety during a conversation. While not everyone is comfortable doing this, many people find that it's helpful to simply let the other person know what they're experiencing:

'Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I am someone that suffers from some severe social anxiety, so I am experiencing a lot of nervousness in this conversation. My apologies if it makes me look distracted, as I am trying to overcome it.'

It's not something a lot of people share about themselves, but when you do share it, and you show that you're not embarrassed about it, it can make it easier to 'get out of your head,' which is a common problem with most severe anxiety. When you try too hard to fight it and still hold a conversation, the anxiety often gets worse.

Feel free and do this on dates too. Most people will respect your honesty, especially if you don't pretend to be embarrassed about it, and those that do not respect your honesty are probably not people with whom you want to start a relationship.

Tip 4: Practice Without Expectations

They say that relationships are more likely to start when you stop looking for one. One of the reasons that this is probably true is that those looking for a relationship get overly focused on anyone they meet, putting a great deal of pressure on its success.

For example, a man that wants a relationship and has some anxiety will often get enough bravery to go up to some woman somewhere and talk to her, and once he does he'll start hoping and praying she's the one and put a great deal of pressure on a relationship growing from that one conversation. Then, if she simply isn't interested or has a boyfriend or what have you, he feels worse about himself and experiences more anxiety in the future.

That's why you need to practice in such a way that you have no expectations, ideally because no relationship can happen. For example, practice when you're in another state on vacation, or practice and give everyone a fake name. Try to talk to multiple people in a night and promise to yourself that you will give none of them your phone number or contact information.

You need to learn not to put too much pressure on any one relationship succeeding. Once you've done that, then you can worry about trying to meet the right person, and not 'any' person.

Tip 5: Always Start Strong

If you do have enough bravery to go to an event and try to meet people, then make sure you start strong. Talk to the first people you see and introduce yourself. Go up to anyone you see around you. Talk to as many people as you can. Getting into a groove is very important. Those that wait and wait and wait are only going to experience more anticipatory anxiety, which will likely make their overall anxiety worse.

Those that have severe social anxiety and get panic attacks should also learn to control them.

Tip 6: Get/Use a Best Friend

Studies have shown that those that have strong social support are more confident and better able to meet people. It's a good idea to try to make sure that you find and spend time with a best friend if you have social anxiety. When you go to social events, don't go to meet people. Go to spend time with your best friend, where meeting people is a bonus. You'll feel far more supported that way, and your ability to branch out should improve.

Tip 7: Keep Going After Panic

If your social anxiety is strong enough that it causes panic attacks, one of the best things you can do – and one of the hardest, of course – is to keep going at the social event even if you get a panic attack.

Essentially, make sure you go to the social event expecting one, and once you get it, try your best to act like it didn't happen. As severe as panic attacks are, the truth is that leaving a social event after a panic attack only reinforces the idea that a social event causes anxiety. You need to try to fight the urge to leave, and try your best to keep going.

The idea of 'don't let the panic attacks win' is something that helps overcome them. Fear of the attacks is one of the issues that trigger more attacks. So by not letting them affect you as much, you reduce that fear at future events.

Tip 8: Learning to Breathe Better

Most of the physical symptoms of severe social anxiety are due to a problem known as hyperventilation. Hyperventilation is the act of breathing too quickly, although contrary to popular belief, hyperventilation is caused by too much oxygen and too little carbon dioxide, not the other way around.

Jobs For Social Anxiety Reddit

Hyperventilation causes issues like:

• Lightheadedness
• Difficulty breathing
• Chest pains
• Weakness
• Rapid thoughts

The adrenaline from anxiety leads to many of these symptoms as well, but hyperventilation is often the biggest culprit, especially for those with severe anxiety symptoms. That's why it's important to try to control your breathing when you have severe anxiety so that these symptoms dissipate.

To reduce hyperventilation symptoms, you're going to need to fight the urge to breathe too deeply. Hyperventilation causes people to feel as though they're not getting enough air, even though the opposite is true. Try the following:

Dating Someone With Social Anxiety

• Breathe in very slowly through your nose – take as much as 5 seconds or more.
• Hold for 3 seconds.
• Breathe out through your mouth like you're whistling for 7 seconds.

Reddit Social Anxiety Dating Questions

Continue for a few minutes. Once hyperventilation symptoms start they do not go away that quickly. But this type of breathing will make it easier to reduce the severity of the symptoms, and possibly stop your panic attack.

Tip 9: Stay Busy After Dates

With all forms of anxiety, but especially social anxiety, your mind is often your enemy. People think of anxiety as just fear, but anxiety changes the mind to create more negative thoughts as well. After a date, try your best to stay as mentally busy as possible, either by talking to people on the phone, going out with your best friend, or surrounding yourself with technology and humor (like watching funny shows on TV). Continue over the next few days.

Staying busy will prevent you from experiencing some of the negative thoughts that many of those with social anxiety experience after dates. If you have social anxiety, you no doubt have picked apart your performance and looked for all of the things you may have done wrong. That is a trap that can be very damaging, both for your self-esteem and for your ability to go on future dates. So stay as busy as possible so that you can't let these thoughts creep in.

Tip 10: Go Have Experiences

Of course, the final tip is just to go out there and have experiences – whether they have to do with social anxiety dating or not. Even vacations to exotic locations help with anxiety. The more you let yourself grow as a person and experience what life has for you, the more you'll find that you're able to be confident in yourself around others. You'll have more to talk about, you'll have a different perspective on life, and you'll often find that you figure out what you want from someone else as well.

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Dating

It's a challenge to date when you have social anxiety, since meeting people with anxiety can be so difficult. But it's also not necessarily the right idea to date when you're this anxious either. Instead, you should commit yourself to overcoming your social anxiety and then worry about dating if it happens in the interim.

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Social Anxiety Disorder And Dating

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